i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
