just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
