party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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