Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
