his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
