question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Is it penis luge time yet?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
