ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
