Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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