im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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