Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
