You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
