sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
