sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
worst night to have a conscience
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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