Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
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This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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