I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
