piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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