We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
