Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
