I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
