I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
