I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
