It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
