went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
