Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
