she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My ass is underappreciated
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
