well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
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my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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