every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
