He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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