ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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