He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
