I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
