And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
