Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
