have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
