I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Are we still banned from the library?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
