is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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