im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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