Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
