I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
