hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
