dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
