Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
