I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
