bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
