Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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