yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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