Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
These tits shall not be calmed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
