I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
