I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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