She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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