I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
