Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
And he claims I gave him βfuck meβ eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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