Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
