Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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