i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
