So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
