I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
