Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
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