I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
