she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
