all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
