worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Dick very happy bro
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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