1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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