I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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