just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I will pee on everything he values.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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