My room smells like vodka and shame
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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