I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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