still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So here I am, sexting at work.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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