You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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