Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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