In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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