This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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