Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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