when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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