Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
