I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
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brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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