I cannot find my penis.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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