Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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