I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
