I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
