so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
