I have demons in me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
